fighting for that one thing that would make you happy
trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from your eyes
loving a person too much
having the right love at the wrong time
thinking of him every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he never ever think a single thought of you.....
letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper
holding back only to find out when its too late, you both felt the same way but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out
falling in love with someone you didn't mean to fall in love with
the waiting also hurts like hell
pretending you're OK when inside you're dying
pretending to be strong and recognizing your weakness
pretending you don't love a person whom you actually love.....
being in love....
admitting that you love someone despite his imperfections
finding out that the more you try to hate him, the more you end up loving loving him, perhaps more than before
loving me [10:17 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
i hate this!
Ohhh...my sensitive heart is upset again. How can I overcome this weakness of mine? I can't work it out. Help me pleeease..?!! I feel bad at nonsense thing this morning. I can hardly understand why..?? Am I this fed-up? Ohh...huhuh...so shocking.
At 10:30 last night, I was gazing at the dark cloudy sky and feeling the cold wind in my face when I noticed a single bright star fighting its way on the clouds. Then with no intention of relating myself to it, I began to realize that I am just like that star--looking and fighting my place in this world.
Though it's too hard to understand the complexities of life, we can do nothing but face and accept everything. Some may be against our will but there's no way to escape...there's nowhere to hide..
loving me [1:06 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
only a few
I've been very busy lately plus Im too lazy to post an entry. yeah right...excuses, excuses...
Many things happened for the past weeks.
Most blissful and depressing moments:
^__^ I got the second place in the "Algeb-Trigo Quiz Show" . (There were around 70 plus competitor.) ^__^My dearest grandma visited me at my unit in Makati.
=<...I lost my scholarship this term. =<...I often feel the loneliness.
loving me [1:00 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Thursday, November 03, 2005
im glad to be me
Things have been extremely difficult for me. Many things are troubling my simple life. Yes, my life is not as good as yours. Life is not that easy for me and I admit that I even asked Him why. But you now what? I'm glad to be me. I may not have the luxury to buy everything I want but I have so many things to treasure for the rest of my life. I have my family who loves me for who I am, my true friends who never fail to cheer me up when I'm sad. I have my emotions. I have my strength.
loving me [1:31 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
to mr.****
It was last September when we last talked. Those words we held were simple yet clear. You know what I mean. And now, you are back again with your sham excuses and lollz!! Aren't you trying to mend everything as if I were "something" without feelings to heed?! Can't you be happy for me?? You just dont know how you impaired my blameless heart! It was shattered. You had left a scar behind. Though I would never regret ever loving you, but for me, it was a mistake... it's too late for us to realize... Sorry but I can no longer love you. I no longer can face you.
loving me [1:23 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Saturday, October 29, 2005
if you only knew....
I have the pleasure of being with you. Whilst I am going through hard times, you are there to cheer me up. As I got to know the "real you," I realized what a great person you are. I want you to know how gorgeous you are. And that you must recognize. I know now that I love you. I love you,dont know why.. yet you have no idea. From the very start I never expected to fall for you since Im afraid to love again. If you only knew how I feel about you, I wonder, would you be willing to make my life complete? But whatever it is... it will be alright for me.. it isnt your fault..
loving me [9:41 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, October 28, 2005
starbucks..
I have hilarious times with my jovial friends Lorenz, Pao and JM lately. They are giving me reasons to stay cheerful in spite of being lost from my melancholy...senti?=( The other day we went to "starbucks"...[treat ni Lorenz... Thank you!!]^_^. It was a drizzly breezy day of sharing our top secrets?? Hihihi.. We had great talks that I late realized we were spending over four hours taking the weight off our feet. You just cant imagine what stuffs we were chatting about. Hehe..shssshhh.. am so grateful having them.*-*..fishes!!] Still have lots of things to say but I need to go nah... bitin??sowee..
loving me [2:33 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Thursday, October 20, 2005
it's just these hazy LAZY days..
Oh my...Im doing really badly in my academics. We are still in the 2nd week of the term and yet Im doing faulty in my English and CS class! Ive been so lazy in studying my new lessons and making projects. Yesterday, I didnt submit my seatwork in one of our subjects as I hate my work. Plus our teacher in RiZaL and SoCioLogy never get tired of making loads of homework!! AAAAAAHHHHH... It is so annoying...wanna relax...pleease.. Currently I even have 6 assignments to make!! huhuhuhuhu..
loving me [7:09 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, October 14, 2005
sometimes it hurts, but it's a good hurt...
I have never felt any physical pain stronger than the emotional pain that I live with. Pain -- in my eyes, I am not supposed to feel it. When I was little and I would get hit or bashed, or bruised, pain there is unclear, but after that I stopped feeling it. I cut my leg and just look at it, but feel no pain. Sometimes it's scary. There was a time I almost feel numb. Not at first. When I begin to feel the pain, it's almost as if I finally realize that I am alive and have any feelings at all. That's when I stop . . . when I begin to feel ANYTHING. (^_'^)
loving me [5:54 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Thursday, October 13, 2005
when heartaches hit, they hit hard...
Suddenly, I have realize how he means to me. It is like a part of me is still missing though I think I have already done my best to forget. I can not help myself from reminiscing whenever I pass by those remarkable places we used to be together. I may sound melodramatic that even those old cliches ring out to be true. And I find myself one sad evening actually listening to corny love songs, reading between those damn stupid lines..hew! hew! God help me in getting my strength back out of this heartache. Is jumping into another relationship to get over the loss helpful?! Is it better to mend my broken heart first before moving on to another relationship?!
loving me [7:26 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
since you're not here
"The richest love is that which lasts through time apart to someday be together."
Latest barkada pic..[dark nga lang..] I'm enjoying spending mah spare time with these guys.. there is never been a dull moment when we're together. Though we are not classmates in most of our subjects this 2nd term, we still manage to see each other and even have gig.. Most of the times you'll find us wearing smiles however we're also open to secrets or even problems.. Hmmm..I guess someone here is lacking.. Ahh.. okei.. Philly was taking the pic..
dont care any longer
I had loved him. He had let me feel the love that was real, the kind of happiness he had given me. I was only able to see the truth in his eyes and the way his actions showed. Everything seemed so vague. I failed to hear the words I still needed to hear, but still I kept going. For those times we were spending time together, we were spending every second as a precious one. It was like I was afraid for time, wherein like him is nowhere to be found. I had love him for who he is, the real him, despite of his imperfections. But those feelings he did not know, it was only kept within me. I was not able to tell him how I really feel; even though it hurts, still I hide it. I was scared to lose the friendship we had. But how come now his gone, do not know how his life going. We just parted ways but I was not thinking it will all end up by that. By this time, I do not feel that he still care. I was hurt so much by the way he fails to remember those happy moments I have treasured. However, I need to move on. He is now part of my past, the past that contributes a change in my life. Maybe we are not meant for each other, that another someone deserves better. I need to face life the way I know I should be. There will be no one like him but someone might be special and better than him, who can love me back the way I will love him. It hurts but as what my friends are telling me, time will heal and someone will heal.
loving me [3:24 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, August 12, 2005
i'm back!
Hei! Im back! I have been very busy lately… hewhew. Not much with studies other than definitely enjoying myself! I am so glad being recovered from my melancholy which had been affecting me much. Only to realize that it is not worth howling. I am so moving on… At the moment, it will be days with lotz of excitement! There are loads of great things to realize for ourselves with the ever exciting, thrilling, challenging existence. Dont have much to mention right now.. Babboosh!(^ ^)
loving me [10:08 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, July 01, 2005
confusin..
Have you been confuse regarding your feelings toward someone or anything uncertain? shall forgo the feeling and keep on fighting despite the pain and sacrifices? Wil I let go? or hold on...
my birthday!
im so happy! i still have friends who care for me! specially.. hmmm. secret muna...i like what he is doing lately! heheh..as in i was able to feel his sincerity! He really cheers my special day! today which is my birthday! he makes me smile. (^ ^)
loving me [6:50 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, June 17, 2005
it cant be
This was not I. I dont know myself any longer, the one who used to be strong and tough and not this super duper sensitive when it comes to attraction to the opposite sex. Must this be LOVE? I was really changed. {Sigh…this must not be happening.}
loving me [1:04 AM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Friday, June 03, 2005
THE GAME
I have this life being one of God's creations. Life here on earth which is a preparation for eternity. And this is a challenging game. Obstacles and stiff opponents are along the ways. Wherein at times, the greatest opponent can be me. I need to take part well to attain my purpose. Playing has so many lines of attack. I might done the bit easier but fail or chosen the hard ones and make it, or even the other way around. I need to be cautious. The past years of my life I consider as hard core of the game. Trials I never thought I could triumph over. It was a great fight between the weaknesses and the strengths. I was struggling from emptiness and loneliness. Pain was all over me that it was hard to stand and fight back. What a test for my faith. And God has also given me the power why up until now I am still in the game. Tougher and stronger I become. I am still thankful for all the tests, for they make a payment to my personality, character I must possess to win this game called life.
loving me [2:22 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
it will be be FINE
I'm gonna smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend he's not hurting me...(^_^)
Am gonna miss those times we've spent together.. those gimmicks.. for around three months of their craziness, foolishness and fun! Yet, they cant break away from 3 months of necessity, pressure, stress and painstaking studies.. after a long wait,it's now time to let loose..(^_^) Congrats to all of them.
"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Choose your words for they become actions. Understand your actions for they become habits. Study your habits for they become your character. Develop your character for it become your destiny."
I was really having fun here. My best friend Mike went with the group in his cool shades.
loving me [11:16 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
it all starts with GOD
Today is my first day reading the book, The Purpose Driven Life. I am searching for the purpose of my life. I am so excited. I hope reading this book for 40 days can transform my life and will change me into a new person. Wanna join me? Let us get started with the DAY 1(IT ALL STARTS WITH GOD).
Here are some verses present in Chapter 1: "It is God who directs the lives of his creatures; everyone's life is in his power." "Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life." "Self- help is no help at all. Self- sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self." "God's wisdom . . . goes deep into the interior of his purposes. . . . It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest- what God determined us the way to bring out his best in us." "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone." Point to Ponder: It is not about me. Verse to Remember: "Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. Question to consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living God, not myself? After reading the chapter, I paused for a while and was reflecting about what it says. And yes, its true. God created all of us for his purposes. He is not there for my own purpose. It is not about me. It is not about my personal wishes, dreams, goals and fulfillments. It is far than that. God is not just the starting point of our life; He is the source of it. To discover our purpose in life, we must build our life on eternal truths. I still do not know what on earth I am here for, with now, I must put God in everything I will do to remind myself that my life is really about living God. I guess it is more on doing good things and helping others. Wherever and whenever, in every little thing, I will offer it for Him. He is the source of my life. While I still do not know what is the future ahead, I need to be careful on what path to take. I must resist temptations, that could lead me in failing to perform the purpose He had intended for me. I'm still thinking what is it. One thing now for sure, it is not about me. But anyway, He is there to guide, I shall not be afraid.
loving me [2:37 PM]
*____[I]*[miss]*[youuu]____*
]]_about*me_[[
Nick- *paz/pae/pash/pacitz/pacing*
AgE- *18` 2005*
sCho0l- *MAPUA School of IT*
e mail/ym- *snow_princess1886@yahoo.com*
friendster- *hermione_649@yahoo.com*
*_my pic_*
__XLikesX__- *dancin, acting, strolling, mall hoppin, interesting books, music, adventures.. sincere & loving people.*
__xDislikesx__- *people who hate me...*
